The Space Between
by JosephineLL
Summary: Unrequited love resolved
1. Chapter One to Three

Posted by Josephine on 06-17-2002 08:05 AM:   
  
Title: The Space Between 

Author: Josephine 

Rating: PG 

Genre: Romance/Angst/Challenge 

Pairing: S/A 

Summary: Captain Archer tries to persuade Professor Sato 

Notes: Answer to a number of challenges on the Linguistics Database (judy.jteers.net/lingdata/) 

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the Trek dance hall; I like to call the steps once in awhile. 

---------- 

Chapter One --- Archer – Tantalize – Stars

"Look at them, Hoshi." Jon's _… Captain Archer's …_ soft voice caresses my ear. I feel the heat of his body behind me; the scent of him assails me, makes my head swim. The half bottle of wine I drank doesn't help. He said it would be a friendly dinner, just to catch up on old times. I should have known better. Jon _… Captain Archer …_ is tenacious; he never gives up on what he wants. And he wants me. I raise my head to the night sky. 

"Imagine how many new species are out there for us to meet, how many new languages for you to learn." He's right. I know every spoken language on Earth, and a few no longer spoken. The only challenges now are amongst the stars. I had thought to stay here, have the languages come to me. But to be in the field, learning from the people themselves … I'm at odds with myself, thirsting for the knowledge out there but wanting to keep my feet firmly on the ground. And Jon _… Captain Archer …_ isn't helping any. 

"Over there is Vulcan, and there's our closest neighbor, Andorra …" He slips his arm under mine, lifts my hand with his own as we point out the systems we'd visit, the places we'd go. My mind wonders about the people attached to the names at the same time as I feel the taut muscles in his arm. I sway, and Jon _… Captain Archer …_ steadies me against him. Warmth floods through his thin shirt to my bare back. Our arms slowly drop down to our sides. 

"We need you out there, Hoshi. We need your gift for languages." We need … We … I try to remember it's for Starfleet Jon _… Captain Archer …_ is recruiting. Starfleet is the one who needs me. It becomes a mantra in my head. I'm caving, but not because of Starfleet. I slowly nod my head, the choice bittersweet. 

"You won't regret it, Hoshi." I wonder if that's true. Captain Archer is tenacious; he never gives up on what he wants. And he wants me. But not the way I want him. 

Chapter two Challenge: Archer – Disheveled - Breakfast 

"Good morning, Hoshi." 

I hold the door for my breathless Communications Officer as she enters the mess hall, her smile fading slightly as she realizes it's me. I frown at her retreating back, watching as she tugs at her uniform, tries to tame her hair into the smooth ponytail she usually wears. 

The frown stays with me as I pass into the wardroom, automatically answering Trip and sitting down to eat, but my mind is on Hoshi and why she would be running late. Jealously flares as one reason comes to mind. 

Was it another man? Had she spent the night with someone? Was he the reason for the smile and blush this morning? My hand curls into a fist around my fork as I think of that faceless man touching Hoshi _… my Hoshi …_. 

I've loved her since the beginning. The memory is burned into my soul. Advanced Vulcan, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 1.00 pm. The alien words tripped off her tongue, mocking my dismal attempts. She just smiled and patiently coaxed the sounds from me. I did well, amazingly enough; the fact that I couldn't keep my eyes off her beautiful mouth helped. I fluctuated between happiness and despair that summer; as one o'clock approached I couldn't wait to see her, at two I was cast down. Why would she ever want an old man like me? When she offered private tutoring to any who wanted it, I jumped at the chance. Now I saw her Tuesdays and Thursdays also. 

Trip wondered who she was, this siren that could take my attention from even the Enterprise. I wouldn't tell him though, afraid to share her. He laughed and shook his head, saying I was obsessed. 

Was I? She filled my thoughts, constantly it seemed. I'd be absorbed in the details of the Enterprise, then something would remind me of her and I'd be lost in a memory. If it weren't for Trip pulling me back on numerous occasions, the Admiral would have quickly found a new captain for my ship. 

I found reasons to stay in touch after the class ended, we'd go out to dinner every few weeks, always friendly, slightly professional. When her name made it onto the short list for my Communications Officer, my blood ran cold. To have her so close, but the chasm between our ranks keeping us away … She refused me the first time I asked, of course; and the second, and the third, and the fourth. I turned on the charm the fifth time, going out to Brazil to see her, showing her the stars I love so much. 'You won't regret it, Hoshi,' I told her when she nodded yes. She won't, but will I? 

A sharp pain brings me back to the present. I look down to see the bent fork digging into my palm. 

  
Chapter Three --- Captain – Happy – Communicator 

"I'm sorry Hoshi. This was never supposed to happen …" 

I look down at Jon lying on the bunk. Half of his beautiful face is covered by a dark purple bruise, and he grimaces every time he breathes. Cracked ribs, I don't doubt. 

"Don't start that again, Captain." The water in the sink is tepid, but I wring out a cloth and place it over the bruise. With some effort I tear a sheet into strips. "Let's get this off." He sits up as I unzip his uniform. 

Raising his arms to get the t-shirt off hurts more than he lets on, but it has to be done. My fingers skim over his ribs, feeling them shift unnaturally. He's got a bruise here to match the one on his face. I let my hand linger against his skin. It feels so warm, alive ... He draws a hissing breath, I look up in concern, but his eye is closed. 

"I'm going to bind your ribs, it may hurt at first, but it'll help. Ready?" He nods, and I start to wind the strips around him. He shudders, but says he's fine. He doesn't lie very well. Every time I reach around him I want to lay my head on his shoulder. Having him so close like this, my need for him is overwhelming. A sigh slips out. 

He lies back down after I convince him to sleep. We're not going anywhere for a while. 

---------- 

"Captain, wake up!" 

I'm instantly alert, thinking the Apmats have come back to 'interrogate' me more, but it's just Hoshi. Just Hoshi. How could it ever be **just** Hoshi. I can barely see her in the dim light from the corridor, but I don't need the light. I know every inch of her. 

Her voice hold no sense of panic, I wonder what's wrong. 

"I'm awake, Hoshi." Sitting up, I can tell my ribs feel better. I almost lost it when she wrapped me; I could feel her warmth, her gentle fingers sending shivers through me. "How's your shoulder?" I ask, remembering her sigh as she worked. She says its fine, but she doesn't lie very well. 

Reaching under the thin mattress she pulls out a communicator, one of the spares she always carries with her. As she explains how she hid it after the Apmats dragged me away the fist time, I bypass some of the secondary functions to get more power to the transceiver. This woman never ceases to amaze me. Finally, thorugh alot of static, we reach the Enterprise. T'Pol's voice is the third sweetest sound I've ever heard. 

Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab Hoshi in a hug and kiss her quick. 


	2. Chapter Four to Six

Chapter Four --- Jon – Clean – Finger 

His kiss. The memory of it still haunts my dreams, disturbing my sleep. To be honest, I don't want it exorcised. I take it out and hold it up to the light, wondering if he meant anything more than he was happy that we were going to be saved. 

Sometimes I open it, letting it wash over me, remembering the look of joy on his face. I draw it close, the same way his arms went around me, pulling me near. I can feel him; feel his chest under my hands. 

I watch his head descend to mine; panic and apprehension warring with hope and desire. It starts out innocent, but my mouth opens slightly, and he crushes me to him. It lasts only a moment, but the part of me that keeps believing one day he'll finally open his eyes is positive she can feel passion behind the kiss. 

The pragmatic side of me says no, and makes me put his kiss away, folding it up and tucking it into a very small corner of my mind. But no matter what she believes, his kiss won't be ignored, and when I'm alone I'll take it out again, slipping into its welcoming comfort. I won't let it end with him pushing me away, not willing to meet my eyes. Instead he'll hold me close, and tell me of his love, promising to make up for all the time he wasted. 

I shiver, and I realize the water has become cold. I slowly get out of the shower, returning to reality where Jon doesn't love me. My mother always said cleaning was a cure for anything that ailed you, so I get busy. My cabin is small though, it doesn't take a lot to straighten it. I go through the motions, putting this away there, putting that away here. His kiss creeps back; upset with myself for wanting someone who could never be mine, I slam a drawer closed, catching my finger. 

At first there is nothing, then a sharp bloom of pain. Everything that I have held back these past months bursts through the walls I built and I crumple to the floor, sobbing. 

The door chimes, but before I can register it the last person I want to see enters. "Ensign, I'd like to apologize for …" He stares at me in shock and I quite literally want to die. 

Chapter Five --- Captain – Fierce - Boots 

Rooted to the spot, I stare at her huddled on the floor. I've never fallen prey to a woman's tears before, but right now I would move Heaven and Earth to make it all better. 

I don't think, I just act; falling to my knees in front of her, pulling her to me. "Don't cry love, please, don't cry." My hand rubs her back as I babble, not knowing what else to do. For some reason she cries harder, trying to pushing me away. 

Why is she crying? Who did this to her? I feel a burning rage grow in me at the thought that anyone would hurt her. She slips out of my arms and turns her back to me. Moving in front of her, I push her hair away from her face and wipe the tears off her cheeks. "What happened, love? Please, let me help." I cradle her face in my hands. 

Her eyes widen in distress. "What – what did you say?" 

My hands fall from her as I realize my slip of the tongue. She doesn't need this on top of everything else. "I'm sorry Hoshi …" I stumble to my feet, but something holds me back. It's her. She's grabbed onto my hand. 

"What did you say?" I retreat toward the door as she gets up, and our connection is broken. My boots are loud in the silence that stretches between us. She looks so vulnerable, I can't tell her; I can't burden her with this … I can't face her scorn, or worse, her indifference … 

"Nothing. I'm sorry Ensign." And I bolt. The famed Captain Archer of the great starship Enterprise runs away. Her voice echoes through my head: 'What did you say?' 

I make it to my cabin and lean against the door. I feel sick from the near miss. 

"I said I love you." 

  
  
Chapter Six --- Archer – Cajole – Rock 

I stare at the door, running over what just happened in my mind. Love. He called me love. I heard it this time; it wasn't a figment of my aching heart. He said it, and I'm going to make him say it again. 

The computer tells me he's in his cabin, and I take off running down corridors. A few of the crew try to talk to me, but I brush them off. I don't have time to chat. Reaching the short spur that the senior officer quarters are on, my steps slow. Now that I'm here, my resolve wavers. What if he didn't mean it? What if it was just one of those things men call women, like 'babe' or 'honey' or Trip's 'darling'? 

I stop that line of thought. He said 'love'. He meant 'love'. I ring the door chime fast, before my nerve falters. One second passes, then another. I know he's in there. 

"Jon." I place my hand on the cool metal in front of me. "Please, open the door. We need to talk." Nothing. I can't sense any movement, not even with these fabulous ears he wanted on this mission. "Jon, I'm not leaving until you open this door. I'll stay here all night. I don't care who comes by." I'm not giving up without a fight. "Open this door!" Sighing, I turn and lean back, bowing my head. I don't realize I'm crying until I taste the salt. 

"Hosh?" My head snaps up to see Trip standing in front of me. He looks from me to the door, then back to me. "You were her?" Her? What is he talking about? He reaches behind me and I barely catch myself before the door opens. "Good luck." Giving me a grin, he walks off, whistling. 

I stare into the dark cabin, and take a step forward. 

---------- 

The bottle of whiskey sits by me, unopened. I want to get drunk, but I can't. A Captain is always on call. Needs to be ready for anything. He's the one the crew looks to for guidance, especially when things get rough. It's rough now, where's **my** guidance? 

My door chime rings, but I just sit here, not wanting to deal with whatever problem is out there. I have my own problems. Duty wins out however, and just as I'm about to get up I hear her voice through the door. She's pleading with me to open it. But like Pandora's box, if I open that door it will let loose a lot of pain and heartache. Unlike Pandora, however, I won't have hope left over. So I try to ignore her, while that whiskey looks more inviting every second. 

Light spilling in from the corridor blinds me, this time I do stand up. How did she get the door open? Silhouetted for only a moment, she enters. She calls for me, and I realize she can't see in the dark. 

"Ensign." Making her way across the room, she barks a shin, and a Klingon curse slips out. In spite of myself, I smile. It fades as she comes to stand in front of me. 

"Why did you come?" My voice is harsh, unforgiving. I mean to hurt with it, to drive her away. 

Her voice is calm, peaceful. "You called me love." 

I try to deny it, but her fingers come up to rest on my mouth. "Don't tell me you didn't. You did. In my heart I may have heard you say it a thousand times, but this time I didn't imagine it." 

I feel like I've been hit in the chest with a rock. Does she mean what I think she does? Could she … love me? My hand reaches up to trace her cheek. "Hoshi?" 

Her hands reach up to me, threading through my hair, pulling my head down. My eyes haven't left hers, willing her to say what I'm afraid to. "I love you, Jon." 

I crush her to me, kissing her with all the passion I've bottled up since that summer day last year. "Hoshi, love …" I'm babbling again, begging her forgiveness for being such a coward. My lips trail over her face; my hands roam over her body. I want to absorb her into me so there's never a chance of losing her again. 

"Hoshi," I pull back, looking at this woman who has haunted my dreams and is now finally mine. The words I was afraid to say slip easily from my mouth now. 

"I love you."


End file.
